‘Imber Graphium non Inquinat’

‘The Crayon The Rain Smudgeth Not’, and that was definitely the case on Wednesday as Crayola faced Henderson Hall at a wet and boggy not-so-Close House. Fresh from their magnificent 3-0 win over the Agrics 2nd’s in week 6, the Crayola warriors marched confidently onto the pitch……..no opposition. “They’ve done this before” says the ref. An automatic walkover for Crayola, but we wanted a game aswell as a win. But wait……...over yonder hill…….a team, well 6 of them. Then came the rest of a unorganised looking outfit kitted up in different coloured jerseys, nothing like Crayola, but they were here. Let the game commence!

The game got under way to another great James Hinton high-hanging kick-offs. Henderson failed to collect cleanly and knocked it into touch. Crayola line-out. An ever-reliable line-out of late! But this time Jamie “Gay Gay Gay” Cooke caught the throw from Spuggy. Out to the backs and away we went. Most of the first half was spent camped on the Henderson line. However, Crayola failed to score. ‘Smelly’ John Walton managed to miss not one but two sitters one after another, and Crayola came close on a number of occasions. Hutch tried to sneak round a ruck but got dumped like a sack of spuds, leaving him sore down below! But late on in the first half James Hinton slotted a clever grubber-kick through 20 metres out. It looked a lost cause as it head towards touch but Ben ‘Duckers’ Duckworth managed to get a left boot on it to hook it back into play……and straight to the feet of Mark Holmes who only needed to kick the ball over the line and dive on it! After much debate between the referee and linesman the try was given. 5-0 Crayola….the bandwagon rolled on. Crayola pushed towards the line again, but the half time whistle was blown just as the Henderson flanker received 10-minutes in the sin-bin for something!

The second half started pretty much like the first. Henderson rarely entered Crayola’s half, although they did push hard in patches. A rare break through the Crayola line and Henderson were away…..a nice high tackle ended that move with Holmes lucky to stay on the field! Crayola were on the attack. Penalty…..but James loses his rag and slaps a Henderson player round the head…..in darts the ever reliable and ever stupid Spuggy from the touchline, sporting a blue and yellow jester hat. What happened next earned Spuggy the gimpsuit but also strengthened his grasp on the ‘Gimp of the Year’ Award. For the second time this season he attempted to break-up a scuffle that was already over, wearing the hat, looking like a nonce, much to the amusement of both sides. Prat! James got a stern talking to by the ref (yeah, right!), and play was back underway. Crayola on the offensive. They gain a penalty some 20 metres out, which was duly converted by Holmes. 8-0. However the Crayola defence lost its way with 3 minutes to go, aided by a bizarre referring decision, and the gangly 7’ winger was one-on-one with the massive Andy ‘Debbie’ Magee. A desperate attempt from Debs to tackle a man twice his size was in vain as he simply stepped over the oncoming Magee and darted over the line. 8-5. Another 3 point margin for the Crayolians. James’ kick off was as good as ever, and the referee blew his whistle for an infringement. What the infringement was, I don’t think the ref himself knew, but he blew his whistle for full time. Crayola had won again. But the result was not without its downside, as another centre, after Tom Hartley’s fractured thumb last week, was injured. Man of the Match Matt ‘Man Whore’ Kidd broke his hand in two places during the game. But like the double-hard bastards us Crayolians are, he played from first whistle to the last! Well played fellas. We’re looking better every week. Crayola for the cup?!

Mark Holmes